A good friend is a regular reader of my daily meditations, and she observed that 9 times out of 10, I am down on myself or highlighting an area of weakness in my relationship to God – especially in the prayer.
She sometimes wondered whether I was on the edge of depression, or struggling with low self-esteem, or just being too hard on myself.
That is one of the problems of communicating on the web, you can’t communicate emotion, hear the tone of voice, or ask questions to clarify.
But it seems to me she is right (great, now I am being negative about being negative).

So what’s with the negative tone?
First of all, NO, I am not on the edge of depression, or struggling with self-esteem.
I am not battling guilt… though I do have seasons when it sometimes bothers me.
If I think it through, I think the background to this negative approach is my attempt to make sure I apply the message of God to myself before I point it to others.
Its taking care of the 2×4 in my own eye before dealing with the splinter in others’ eyes.
Its being poor and humble in spirit, or so I think it is.

Whenever I read the bible, I can always find a way that I am not living up to the passage at hand.
God’s Spirit gently points out how I am affected by the same shortcoming, weakness or failure.
Its not a burdensome guilt thing, just a realization that I am no different than others, that I have a long way to go and grow too.
This has become a regular practice for me – find out somehow that I am not measuring up to this, and confess it, name it, deal with it.

I still think this is a good idea, but I probably need to keep it in perspective.
I am loved and accepted because God is gracious, not because I know all of my sins.
There is also room to share the good things that God is doing in me, through me.
I can also rejoice, and give thanks, and mention some of the positives!

This makes me think about a comment someone recently made about my sermon, that I only seemed to highlight the negative stuff we hide inside of the “private me”.
And this reminds me of more comments about my preaching in past years, that my sermons are always challenging!
Its as if I am not happy unless I point out how we fail, how we do not measure up, how we need to change or the better.

Through this, I am feeling encouraged to start being more positive, more hopeful.
OK, so now I am going to make a commitment, I am going to make ALL of my SOAP meditation prayers for the next week positive.
I will give thanks, celebrate God’s goodness, recognize the positive that God is doing all around me.
Hmm, maybe I need to go further, maybe for the whole week I am not allowed to say ANYTHING negative.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]